Be A Smart Parent

In a recent study, 400 5th grade students were given an easy round of puzzles to complete. A full 90% of the children that were praised for their effort chose to move on to more difficult tasks. By contrast, a majority of those that were praised for their intelligence chose the easier option. The kids who were told they were smart took the “cop-out”. They chose to look smart and avoid the risk of being embarrassed.

It will be worth your time to read this very interesting article (http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/) that my local homeschool group recently discussed. It reveals that the way we choose to praise or encourage our children will have a profound impact on their confidence and self esteem. It sounds counterintuitive, but parents should not necessarily praise their kids for being “smart” or doing better than their peers. Rather, they should encourage their children for their hard work, perseverance, and willingness to take risks.

When I provided consulting services for teachers that worked with gifted children, praising gifted children was a topic that garnered much discussion. It was very hard for teachers to realize that their praise of children could actually back-fire and decrease a child’s self-esteem. We talked about the importance of encouragement (focusing on effort), recognizing the process, and recognizing children for taking on a challenge and perseverance, rather than for correct answers or doing better than peers. We also talked about specific encouragement and how much more meaningful it was to say “your approach to solving that math problem was quite unique because it was so different” or “I loved your use of descriptive adjectives in that paragraph” - rather than “great job!” or “good work!” Even to children these can sound cliché.

I always tell my son how much more important it is to try things that are challenging, rather than always getting the right answer. We talk about the fact that if he were getting all the “right” answers and was able to breeze through every assignment, then I would not be doing my job as his teacher or his mother. It is only through being challenged that we are able to grow and sharpen our skills.

As homeschooling parents, we have such a great opportunity to build a sense of confidence and competence in our children. I encourage you to see how your child’s attitude and confidence level change when you focus on complimenting your child for effort, being specific about what your child does well, and constantly reminding him that we can become better at things that are challenging and even at things in which we are skilled by hard work and taking risks.

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